You know I always have so much to say, but when I get settled in front of this computer screen, I seem to go blank. And for anyone that knows me even JUST a little bit- knows that can be quite a rare occurrance.
So I will start with something that has recently happened that has been a cause of stress for me lately. For some reason or another, people either love me or hate me. Very rarely is there ever a feeling of in between-ness. Which I really don't think I'm a total witch, but in addition, I'm not a total sweetheart either. Not sure why that is. I mean, for anyone who knows my mom, she is the biggest sweetie and best person on the face of the Earth. All of her friends tell me how nice, sweet (insert any positive adjective in here) she is. And I believe she raised me as best as she could, but she even tells me that she never had the "balls" or "confidence" (again, fill in with any adj you want here) like me. And I had this at a very young age.
Now there is MORE to the story and my background that makes me feel like I have to be strong and survior-ish type of mentality, but we'll save that for when my audience turns in the double digit crowd. So I guess my thing today that really makes me go hhmmmm- is do you think the way we are and who we are is pre-programmed or is it influenced by our environment? If it is environment, then wouldn't I be a sweet lil thing? And if it is pre-programmed, where did this develop in me- and from who? In addition, why isn't my twin brother like me in this manner if it is due to pre-programming?
Another thing that makes me go hhmmm..... I realized I only order things at restauraunts that have pictures on the menu. Does anyone else do this?
HHHHmmmmm #3- I am totally fascinated by cook books. Taste of Home is my favorite recently and each time I turn the page, I can already see my house set for dinner, the smells of sweet sour chicken basting on the oven top, and me screaming at my kid/dog to stop running around shrieking like a girl or barking like a crazy hyena. Don't forget I would also be giving my hubby a dirty look (and you KNOW my looks can kill) while he sits down and asks when dinner will be ready. Ahhh, a lovely picture that comes to mind.
Hhhhhmmmmm #4- Would life seem to go by this quickly if I didn't have a child as my timeline? I was just looking through some pictures of him from 2007 and he was so little and spunky and funny. I know everyone says "it seems like yesterday" but to me, I look at him and I see "tomorrow, ten years, twenty" etc. I doesn't seem like yesterday to me, it seems like forever ago he was a baby that relied on me for everything. And now, he barely wants to be seen with me in public. Maybe it's because I have really loud gas.
hhhmmmm #5- Would the age of kids I teach even know what this song sounded like?
hhhmmmmm #6- wonders when you should give up on planning another child. I mean, is there a cut off? My son is almost 6, and the longer it takes the more I think how sad it would be for him- not a happy occasion. He wouldn't have a playmate, a buddy, a friend, a secret keeper, a fort builder etc. And with my hubby soon to turn 4-0 and me behind him at 3-5; I'm really trying to figure out when we should actually say "this is good, having one kid is good"? Again, this is just a scratch of the surface of what we've been through with trying to add to our family, but is there ever a time to just say "Fold em?" What do you think?
hhhmmm #7- why is it that my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard?
Hopefully I've left you with things to ponder about. I'm sure C & C Factory had that as a rough title.. things that make you ponder. Just not the same ring to it.
Love, Peace and Chicken Grease!
Brooke, I'm so glad that you are writing this blog. It's like having a conversation with you...which I miss dearly! It's not the same as seeing your beautiful face everyday though....of course! I'm too young to give you advice. However, I will give you my opinion about the things that make you go hummmmmm. First, is this a song? I don't know it? I must be toooooo young for that also! Muahahaha. Second, I believe some of the most special things in life are fate/faith based. However, everything else is free-will....our environment shapes us. For example, I could have married Adam Rodrigez (hottie actor from CSI Miami) but I chose Riley instead....and I love him dearly. But, I could be laying out in the middle of a pool with a Pina Colada in my hand write now...but I'm not. Next, as far as your children/family dilema I'm no help. I think it is something that you and your hubby will have to figure out....maybe at some point you will just know? Continue to pray about it. And on a different note, why does your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard? hummmmm....I dunno? Do you give out fries too? :)) Jess
ReplyDeleteJessica, yes this is a song! :) hahaha. And there is no way you could have married Adam, I am secretly married to him already. We didn't want to hurt his rep of being super sexy so we kept it to ourselves. Shhh don't tell Dana.
ReplyDeleteDana is now 40 and I'm sneaking up on 25- so I believe we are throwing in the towel on the actively trying/timing baby stuff. Just need to appreciate the kiddo we have and try to kidnap another one.
And yes, they get a milkshake, fries and a super sized COKE!! :)